Journal of Brad “Total Badass” Vickers:

“Man, the other members of STARS are so stupid, cowardly, and pathetic. As soon as I saw those evil dogs in the woods, I flew away for uh…reinforcements! Yeah! It all worked out in the end anyhow! But in the last few days, things have gone to shit in Raccoon City. Weirdo cannibals are all over the place! Fortunately, all I have to do is flex my massive dick muscles, and they run away crying at my sheer manliness! Still though, I feel like someone is always watching me from a distance…eh, I’m sure it’s nothing! Time to go to go to my favorite deli!”

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