Animation by Plague of Gripes

Nixon proved a very popular guide, always wandering off the main trail, into the cold, dead night, a train of desperately bored teenagers never far behind. Despite the senility and twisted abominations of sinew and sin, visitors described Tour Guide Nixon as, “A source of constant amusement, no matter how impotent of actual entertainment value the actual town may or may not be.” Tourism Director Agnew considered simply having the tour go through Nixon’s apartment; unfortunately, the Director couldn’t find the way there, as he had lost his head in a smelting accident, years prior. Tour Guide Ford offered to help, but no one likes Gerald, anyway.