Animation by Plague of Gripes

If one were to look closely on the side of each white soapstone, one would find the rather suspect line, “Property of SunBangBros LLC.” Few realize the original design of these items: to traverse the folds of time and space, in search of jolly cooperative sex romps. The seedy underbelly of these items has its history all the way back to the age of dragons, in which Seath the Scaleless, too blind to find booty on his own, would call out to other worlds for aid in ensuring the lady he was courting was not another soft-voiced mandrake. Never again. In modern times, the black market ass stones have led to a complex shadow network of abyss-exploring gigolos existing out of time and space, in a limbo of T & A. This has resulted in such memorable films as “Burning in Human Effigy,” “The Primordial Serpents,” and “Praise the Son, Punish the Mother.” Investigators continue to promise to weed out these underground trades, so that we can all participate, god damn it.